At certain moments in our lives, we will all experience emotional pain.

Especially in a powerful time in the world like right now, you may be experiencing waves of grief, sorrow, uncertainty, anger, loss, guilt, shame, loneliness or any of the countless other possible hues on the rainbow spectrum of human emotion.

Difficult emotions are a natural part of human life. However, like Buddha once said, “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

Here we’ll explore how to navigate the inevitable, how to understand our emotions, what our emotions are telling us and how to move through difficulty with self-compassion, self-awareness and self-understanding.

WHAT IS EMOTION?

The Latin derivative for the word emotion, ’emotere’, literally means energy in motion.

E-motion is simply that— energy in motion.

Emotions are subtle, energetic forces. They can be mental phenomena passing through the attention of the mind feelings that live as sensations in the body.

Emotions are neither good nor bad, they are simply feelings to be felt.

There’s nothing personal about our feelings— they are simply energies, or phenomena passing through your awareness at any given moment.

They are universal. They are impermanent. They are changeable and temporary and just like they come, they also go.

Some emotions may feel very bright and sunny like happiness, love, awe, peace, joy, contentment, optimism or gratitude.

Other feelings are more shadow-like aspects of the emotional spectrum. These shadows of the mind are the parts of ourselves, our minds and our emotions that may not feel pleasant and that we often don’t want to feel.

We may tend to avoid, ignore or resist these emotions or even fear them.

For many of us, we hold as our shadow, the feelings of fear, anxiety, anger, pain, guilt, shame, rage, grief, sadness, unworthiness or loss.

To truly experience the wholeness of ourselves and the fullness of life, we must learn to respect the entire spectrum of human emotion, aim to live in harmony with both the bright and shadow aspects of the mind and ultimately learn how to harness the inherent power in emotion to awaken from deep within.

NAVIGATING PAIN

We transcend difficult emotions not by dismissing them, avoiding them, manipulating them, attaching to them or trying to “think” our way out of them.

As tempting as it may be, especially for spiritual seekers, it is not advisable when face-to-face with emotional turmoil to simply focus on the positive, go straight to the love and light of the situation or spiritually bypass the difficulty.

Navigating emotional turbulence means courageously and compassionately shining the light of awareness into the shadows of the mind to see things as they really are.

We must be willing to look deeply into and acknowledge the parts of ourselves and our minds that we don’t always want see or feel.

By giving space for the pain to exist, we not only have the opportunity to move through the pain, but to alchemize our pain into a potent experience that we learn, grow and become stronger from.

Through practicing self-observation, self-compassion and self-acceptance of ourselves and respecting all colors of our emotional rainbow, the ability to transform and balance our emotions is not only possible, but inevitable.

Below are 6 steps to help you navigate through a difficult emotion next time it may arise.

1. OBSERVE

The first step to dealing with a difficult emotion is to simply recognize its existence.

Simple observation of what we feel is a powerful practice of self-awareness and mindfulness.

You may wish to start by taking a few deep breaths and becoming still, perhaps closing your eyes if that feels safe for you.

Take a sacred pause to acknowledge your emotion. Become aware of your thoughts. Try to observe what your feeling without judging or resisting it. Simply recognize what you feel for what it is, and you can even try to give what you’re feeling a name.

“Do not allow yourself to suppress your thoughts. Instead, let the thoughts come before you and become a sort of observer. Start observing your own mind. Do not try to escape; do not be afraid of your thinking.”
— Swami Rama

Not knowing what or how we’re actually feeling can add an additional level of uncertainty and overwhelm to what we’re already feeling.

The waves of emotion are less scary when you can learn to recognize the emotion for what it really is and perhaps even give it a label and a form.

What does it feel like? Can you give what you’re feeling a name or a form? Notice where you feel that in your body. Observe its size, sensations, perhaps its texture or feeling.

With non-judgment and self-compassion, ask yourself:

  • “What am I feeling right now?”
  • “Is there a deeper feeling underneath that feeling?”
  • “I observe/notice that I’m feeling _________.”
  • “I feel it in my _______”
  • “It feels like _______.”

2. ACCEPTANCE

When a difficult emotion pays a visit, it’s very natural to think “Go away emotion, I don’t like you. I don’t want to feel you. You’re not welcome here.”

But calming your feelings begins by accepting and being present with them.

Be mindful to not invalidate, dismiss or make small of your feelings simply because they may not make sense or they may feel uncomfortable or unpleasant.

Be aware of the mind’s tendency to resist the feeling by saying: “Why don’t you just think positively?” “Other people have it so much worse.” “Quit overreacting” “Getting upset isn’t going to solve the problem.” “Stop making a big deal out of nothing.” “What’s wrong with you?”

Lovingly accept that this is your current reality. Bring self-compassion, self-awareness and self-respect to what you feel.

Cultivate mindfulness— can you simply see the emotion for what it is without judging it, avoiding it, overanalyzing it or trying to get rid of it?

All emotions are welcome in the practice of self-acceptance.

Anger is welcome.
Joy is welcome.
Sadness is welcome.
Love is welcome.
Fear is welcome.
Pleasure is welcome.
Grief is welcome.

Try saying to yourself:

  • “I welcome the full spectrum of my emotions.”
  •  “It’s okay to feel ______.”
  • “I understand and accept that I am right now I’m feeling ______.”
  • “Even though I’m feeling _______, I love and accept myself.”

3. FEEL

When we suppress these emotions— by either ignoring them, avoiding them, diminishing them, distracting ourselves from them, replacing them with “easier to feel” emotions (like trading in our grief for anger because anger may feel easier to accept,) comparing our pain to another’s pain, only focusing on the positive, or trying to intellectually “think” your way out of feeling something— we miss an incredible opportunity.

If you notice yourself ignoring, avoiding, rationalizing or “thinking” your way out of the emotion, pause.

Embrace a sense of self-curiosity regarding your emotions, cultivate self-compassion, practice non-judgment and let yourself be unapologetic for what you feel.

Because what we resist, persists, and what we feel, we heal.

If we allow ourselves to process these emotions, to let this energy in motion, to move through us, only then does that energy have the opportunity to be transmuted and to have the space to move out of us.

“You calm your feeling just by being with it, like a mother tenderly holding her crying baby. Feeling his mother’s tenderness, the baby will calm down and stop crying. The mother is your mindfulness, born from the depth of your consciousness, and it will tend the feeling of pain. A mother holding her baby is one with her baby.”
—Thich Nhat Hanh

Ultimately, there’s no right or wrong way to feel your feelings.

Sometimes a deep, therapeutic cry can be very helpful to move the energy. Or taking 30 seconds devoted to simply placing your hands where it hurts and focusing deeply on and allowing yourself to truly feel that pain without resistance.

Allow whatever emotions arise to come— know that emotions are temporary and that the experience will come and go.

You may try to say to yourself:

  •  “I allow myself to feel this ______.”
  • “I give myself full permission to feel this ________.”
  • “It is safe to feel this _______”
  • “By feeling this ______, I am taking care of it.”

4. RELEASE

Now that you know what you’re feeling, you’ve accepted what you’re feeling and you’ve felt what you’re feeling, it’s time to let it go.

But how exactly can you do that? What exactly does it mean to “let it go?”

To release our emotions doesn’t mean battling our hearts into not feeling.

In reality, there’s no right or wrong way to release our emotions. Each person will have a unique and intuitive way to release their emotions healthily.

For some it may be through meditation, for others moving their body may help them to release it. For others, journaling may be positive or talking with a friend.

Perhaps deep breathing or using essential oils can be helpful for some people.

But like a loving mother tenderly embracing her crying baby, the energy of mindfulness, self-compassion and self-understanding always help take care of a difficult emotion.

Just as you felt the presence of the emotion arrive within you, observe this emotion as it naturally dissolves and leaves your body and mind.

  • “I release this ________.”
  • “I let this _________ move through me and out of me.”
  • “It’s safe to let go of this _____.”

5. CELEBRATE & REFLECT

Celebrate yourself for being open and willing to take care of yourself and your emotions.

Acknowledge that painful experiences are a valuable lesson that help you move to a higher level of self-awareness and compassion.

If we can cultivate the right attitude, we may find that the greatest difficulties in our life can become our greatest spiritual teachers— and the emotions we feel along the way become profound spiritual teachings.

There is something positive in all seeming difficulties— we cannot always see that in the midst of it. But with an open mind, time reveals it always.

Reflect upon the experience. What was the buried treasure of that difficulty? What did it teach you about patience, self-acceptance, courage, strength, boundaries, self-love, humility or a new perspective?

Ask yourself:

  • “What has/is this emotion teaching me?”
  • “What can I learn about myself from the experience?”
  • “What kind of wisdom or intelligence can this experience bring to my life?”
  • “How can I grow from this experience?”
  • “How do I want to respond to a similar situation in the future?”
  • “I am grateful for _______.”

6. RETURN

Now, return to yourself. Return to who you really are. Remember the peace, the love, the joy that is your divine nature.

The mind and its thoughts, emotions and memories are temporary and fleeting. They are simply phenomena passing through attention. They are powerful teachings, but they come and go.

However, you— you are the awareness, the consciousness, the One that sees these emotions come and go.

You are the witness, the observer of these mental waves and the experiencer of life.

You are not your mind, you have a mind.
You are not your thoughts, you have thoughts.
You are not your emotions, you have emotions.
You are not your memories, you have memories.
You are not what you think and feel,
you are the one that thinks and feels.

As you lovingly return to yourself, you might gently remind yourself:

  • “I am not the _______ that I feel. I am the one who feels.”
  • “I am not my mind. I am not my feelings. I am the awareness that experiences those things.”
  • “Even though I feel ______, I see the goodness within me.”
  • “Even though I feel ______, I recognize the love that I am.”
  • “My feelings may come and go, but I, the observer, always remain.”
  • “I am love. I am compassion. I am peace.”

The next time a difficult experience of emotion arises within you, remember to observe it, accept it, feel it, release it, reflect and celebrate its lessons and return to who you really are— Pure Being, Consciousness, Bliss.

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